Book Review: Faking It by Lux Alptraum

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“… lies are strategic. Whether we are faking our orgasms or inventing boyfriends or concealing our pasts, women lie for specific reasons, ones that are often deeply connected to our very survival” (p. 224)

Alptraum’s debut book Faking It is a provocative and progressive analysis of the restrictive stereotypes of female sexuality in our society. She writes in a passionate yet academic tone peppered with personal anecdotes and quotes from women from a variety of backgrounds. The central theme of Faking It revolves around the concept of women habitually lying as a means of protecting ourselves and attempting to embody impossible expectations. Alptraum’s arguments are thoroughly researched from a myriad of sources including historic scientific studies, TED Talks and legal statutes with pop culture references from When Harry Met Sally to South Park. The author demonstrates a breadth of knowledge of contemporary feminist theory with allusions to some of my personal favourites like Jessica Valenti (author of many books including Sex Object and The Purity Myth) and Kate Harding (author of the book Asking For It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and host of the podcast Feminasty).

Lux Alptraum is a writer, speaker and adult-entertainment business consultant (See her site: http://www.luxalptraum.com). She has written a myriad of feminist and sex-positive articles for magazines including The New York Times, Cosmopolitan and Hustler. Her Twitter feed (@LuxAlptraum) is frequently updated with witty musings, sex education and Star Trek references.

Image Source: luxalptraum.com

 ‘Chapter One: I Just Came’ takes a straight-forward almost clinical approach to discussing the human body in terms of sexual organs whilst evaluating the role of the romanticised and elusive female orgasm. Alptraum suggests that orgasms are faked as a means of women trying to live up to their partner or society’s expectations of ‘good sex’. However, in reality, orgasms can be awkward, unfulfilling, confusing, overwhelming or underwhelming. There is no single definition or universal experience of sex as everyone has their own needs and preferences. The book explores accounts from women whom express their sexuality and gender in a variety of ways.

Faking It also explores the dichotomous pressure for women to remain pure yet sexually appealing. Alptraum analyses prevailing cultural attitudes such as cultural expectations of female virginity prior to marriage ranging from shame-filled self-denial to purity rings to human rights violations like female genital mutilation. She asserts that “perhaps virginity continues to carry social weight because, unlike celibacy, it’s an effective way of policing women’s bodies and behaviour” (p. 92). ‘Chapter Three: I’m a Virgin’ contains remarkably honest and touching anecdote from a young Egyptian Muslim woman grappling with the contradictions between her emerging sexuality and rigorous expectations of female chastity within her community.

I found ‘Chapter Four: I Woke Up Like This’ particularly engaging in its discussion of society’s obsession with pressuring women into self-modification of the body through rituals of makeup, waxing, tanning and so on. It is especially ironic that makeup is painstakingly applied to make women appear naturally and effortlessly perfect. The technological age adds extra demands for physical perfection through limitless exposure to posed and filtered selfies. Insightfully, Alptraum adds that “we erase diversity and normalize whiteness as the default beauty standard” (p. 104).

Her discussion regarding the classic ‘imaginary boyfriend’ technique of rebutting unwanted suitors is scarily relatable: “Viewing male sexual aggression and persistence as a power struggle and a display of dominance as much as— if not more than— a genuine romantic appeal makes the boyfriend lie an even more obvious strategy for a woman eager to extricate herself from an uncomfortable situation. If it’s male power that matters here, then only the presence of another man— imaginary though he might be— can adequately push back against unwanted attention.” (p. 128).

The second half of the book takes a darker and more heart-wrenching turn. Faking It thoughtfully considers recent real-life cases of sexual assault including the Steubenville rape case, Brock Turner and Emma Sulkowicz. Alptraum delves into women’s experiences of harassment through cat-calling, online dating and the new phenomenon of Pick-up Artists. Furthermore, she discusses issues of reproductive control and coercion through manipulations such as ‘stealthing’.

Faking It is remarkable in its breadth of content and research on contemporary women’s issues. Throughout the book, Alptraum advocates for meaningful sexual health education, positive attitudes regarding women’s sexual exploration and the necessity of a cultural shift towards prioritising affirmative consent.

By: Bethany Laura

Faking It is available for pre-order online (https://www.amazon.com/Faking-Women-Sex-Truths-Reveal/dp/1580057659) and will be out in book stores on November 6.